Full disclosure, I always secretly hoped that Trump would win and now that it’s happened, I’m more convinced than ever that it’s exactly what the Americans need.
Now before you freak out and call me evil, I’d like to remind you that Obama, who has undoubtedly been the coolest president ever, couldn’t solve all of America’s problems and by the same token, I think Trump won’t be as bad as the media has led us to believe.
Don’t forget that the same media has been telling us he couldn’t possibly win so, you know, maybe we should take our minds back and think for ourselves.
That said, I want to focus more on the implications of Melania being the new first lady.
So far, the highlight of her role in the campaigns has been that plagiarized Michelle Obama speech that we all meme’d the bejesus out of.
A quick search through her Wikipedia shows her resumé to be something like this:
- Started working at age 16.
- Speaks 6 languages.
- May or may not have been an escort.
This all pales in comparison to Michelle Obama’s qualifications and experience, right?
Atleast not in these parts.
I’ve chosen to consider Melania’s experience just as valid as Michelle’s.
After all, there’s no such thing as a Bachelor’s Degree in First Lady Studies so…
Some of you may see a mere dropout who’s also probably a stripper but what I see is a little Slovene girl with meager means who worked hard to achieve the things she wanted, and eventually loved her way into becoming the first lady of the greatest nation on the earth.
Isn’t that the ultimate American dream?
Do what (or who) you love and it will pave the way and take you to awesome places?
Most of us are more Melania than we are Michelle anyway.
If you have two Ivy League degrees then you can excuse yourself from my gross generalizations BUT, school is really just a bunch of people telling you what to do and how to do it.
How to act. What’s wrong, what’s right, and what’s acceptable. And the internet’s all time favorite, what’s OFFENSIVE!
Who’s better at conforming than everybody else? That’s how we choose the smartest students; that’s how we award the most prestigious jobs and that’s great, but it’s not the ONLY way to measure the value of a person.
I don’t consider myself better than other people just because I crammed some shit and got some mostly useless piece of paper for my trouble.
If I consider myself better than you, it’s because I know more Beyoncé lyrics than you do, but that’s an argument that’s already been won, so let’s go back to this FLOTUS thing.
When Michelle came into office, she didn’t know what lay ahead of her or what she would have to deal with. She took each day as it came, and adapted as best she could, to support her husband, raise her little girls, and try to leave America a better place than she found it.
This is a game with no rules and as such, everybody is as (un)qualified as the next person.
This means that FLOTUS-ness is winged just like real life, and if you ask me, Chicago to the whitehouse isn’t nearly as hard as Slovenia to the whitehouse, by way of the whorehouse (maybe).
I think that we could learn some things from Melania’s life, too.
I don’t know much of her story, but I definitely want to hear it. I imagine it’s taken a lot of strength and perseverance to get to where she is now from where she was before, and I’d like to hear how she pulled it off.
In the least, I hope that this presidency serves to remind us that school isn’t everything, and also that different doesn’t automatically equal bad.
And that’s the thing that Americans need to learn the most.
It’s not the gays, or the Moslems, or the blacks, or the cops, or the men, or the guns, or the Kardashians, or the hashtags that are the problem, it’s America as a whole.
Y’all need to hug it out and then roll up your sleeves and get to work.
Stop trying to take over Canada when you’ve never even thanked them for the gift of Justin Bieber. Stop looking outside for solutions, or playing GOD and trying to fix the world. Stop over thinking every little thing.
Like Jussie Smollet my adopted boyfriend said, you don’t leave your house just because it’s messy. You stay, and you clean up.
Obviously I, like many other people, believe that Trump is the impersonation of what America has become. Flawed in so many ways, but also still a billionaire who knows how to get what he wants, and capable of great things.
So who better to teach ALL Americans to love each other again, than the woman who’s loved the mess that Trump is, and still stayed pretty?
If we can get over ourselves for a minute and respect an alleged hooker and an orange faced billionaire with bad hair, I’m sure we can learn to live with all of the other people. The minorities, the ones who are different from us, the ones that we are really all a part of.
I think that this is the exact amount of uncaring-ness that America needs right now.
Where you pee or who you sleep with or what you’ve done to your hormones shouldn’t be a big government concern.
Lord knows I adore the Obamas, but I think they’ve coddled Americans way too much. We can’t love or debate everything away, unfortunately. Not all issues deserve an essay, a spot on the evening news, and a well written speech.
The Obamas were book smart and loving, while the Trumps, ironically, are street smart and probably don’t give a shit about your feelings, and that’s the antidote to all this general entitled-ness and offended-ness that Americans have made a hobby out of.
I think it’s time for America to toughen up and do the hard work, and I think that with Trump the Terrible at the helm, Melania the Mystery at his side, and a whole lot of getting over ourselves, we could pull it off.
Obviously I’m hoping that we’ll discover that Melania is like Gloria Pritchett from Modern Family and that Trump will run America like his business empire and fix the economy but if that doesn’t happen, maybe the Americans will all be too busy hating the Trumps to kill or discriminate against each other anymore.
I’m sure you already know, but friendships formed over mutual hatred are some of the strongest bonds to exist.
So if you really can’t do respect and open mindedness, here’s to hoping that you’ll exhaust all your hatred on the Trumps and forget to pick on each other.
And before you know it, four years will be over and maybe Michelle will heed the 2020 call and come be America’s mama bear all over again.
Until then, good luck to us all, we’re going to need it.