Okay, I’m fully aware that it’s way too late in the year for all this “New Year’s Resolution Bullshit,” but something happened that was out of my control and it involved money, so obviously you can’t judge me… right?
I’ll tell you all about it in a bit, but first let’s get reacquainted.
Hi, my name is Sharon, and I’m an accidental workaholic.
Part 1: A dream-job with a catch.
Towards the end of 2015, I landed the most perfect job — flexible schedule, purely online, a starting salary higher than what I would have asked for, and the nicest, kindest, awesomest boss.
But there was a catch. I was hired at the beginning of a new project, so I had to create a bunch of content from Day 1.
I was busy, but I was happy so time flew by… and Mama Bey released FORMATION, and everything was right with the world.
When it finally slowed down at work, I got this creative fever where I’d spend days planning blog projects or reading up on how to be the next J. K. Rowling that I’d forget to leave the house.
And then came the burnout where I didn’t want to do anything except sleep, eat, watch Gossip Girl reruns, and stalk cute people on the internet.
So at the end of 2016, I realized that I had only done maybe 3.5 fun things, and half of those were Blair Waldorf, and I promised myself that I would change.
I grabbed my vision board and attempted to come up with concrete goals, actionable steps, and all that good stuff. I even downloaded apps and got an accountability partner, but the new year had other plans for me.
Part 2: A pay-raise with a catch.
In the first week of 2017, one of my workmates quit and our boss offered me her job.
I was ecstatic for about 3 seconds until I realized how much of a mess she had left behind!
A backlog of months and so many angry clients who needed their projects done like yesterday!
So the first months of this year have been spent working too hard, again, and trying my best not to give my raise back because who does that?
Things are starting to get back to normal though and now that I’m almost done being the poster child for “more money, more problems,” let me tell you about this other situation that DRAKE created for me.
Hi, my name is Sharon, and my YOLO is broken!
For those of you that are too cool to know, YOLO is an acronym for “You Only Live Once,” which a lot of people use as an excuse to do (sometimes stupid) things, just for the fun of it, because hey, “I’ll be dead and unable to do alla dis someday, so step aside and let me participate in this questionable activity that might also irritate you!”
The problem is that I’m not sufficiently afraid of death to use it as motivation to leave my many, many comfort zones and potentially get BORED by actual real life, or worse.
I need to fix that.
I need to find my hedonist bone and ignite it like Coldplay would want me to, so help me GOD.
Hi, my name is Sharon, and I’m a little too Virgo for this life.
You’ve heard about Virgos and perfection, right?
My standards are so high and not so many things excite me. And the things that do excite me are dramatic and outrageous, and they piss my wallet off! And sometimes, they don’t even play for my team…
The darker side of perfectionism though, is that it’s debilitating. It’s overwhelming, and it’s almost always rooted in fear.
Being that girl that’s too afraid to text you first because what if you don’t text me back is lame, and I know it too.
And even though I’m always going to swear up and down that I’m an ice queen who gives no fucks, I know deep inside that my fucks aren’t being given because I’m afraid to let go of them and make myself vulnerable.
I’m holding on a little too tight, and being a little too careful, and overthinking every little thing, and creating (+ solving) problems before they even happen, and it’s starting to get exhausting.
So I’m giving myself permission to play.
Heck, if we’re being honest, I’m threatening myself, and I’m creating a million back up plans, and I’m asking Jesus to take the wheel because Lord knows, I can’t do this on my own – at least not while I’m sitting around and listening to all these worrisome voices inside my head.
I’m also getting this shit carved on my skin, y’all.***
“In my hardest moments, where I thought ‘what am I doing, I’m not strong enough for this, I can’t get through this, I’m not ready … ‘ I just have to say JUMP! Because, I know I’m gonna land in that water and swim back on the boat and I’m gonna jump again and land in the water and swim back to the boat. I have to trust myself.” #tatted #redtattoo #numerouno #tsle #raisedbymrscarter
Now even though I still have no intention of texting you first, I’ll start by letting this blog post see the light of day, and reminding myself that it’s okay to have my shit only halfway figured out, and booking that solo trip that I’ve been mentally planning for ages.
So here’s to living my life well, lest the Universe should get mad and take her gifts back!
Here’s to jumping, and trusting, and showing up for myself.
*** I actually got this tattoo last year for my birthday but I wasn’t about to mess up my lyrical flow just to follow the rule of tenses. F that S. Lol.